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Wednesday, March 14, 2018

My Love is Like Pi

My love is like Pi
It is irrational, both number and logic
Why do I want you, why do I don't
You can never really tell

My love is like Pi
It keeps on going till the endless end
Repeating itself without a doubt
Because, you know, that's what love is

My love is like Pi
It has big and small things (err numbers)
Just like life, where nothing is constant
The highs will always come with the lows

My love is like Pi
It is 22/7, never 24/7
I need time for myself too, honey boo
Time to find that person I love in me

My love is like Pi
It gives more the better you are
Better computer extracted larger Pi digits
(Perfect analogy of what you can get from me!)

My love is like Pi
You need it to come to a full circle
Or at least measure how far you've gone
It ain't perfect, but it'll still be a treat

My love is like Pi
It is intriguing and addicting
It is confusing and mesmerizing
But hey, I will always be around

On and on it goes like Pi
Round and round like Pi
Stubbornly enchanting like Pi
And yes, mmm, sweet as Pie

Sunday, March 11, 2018


Sometimes I want to be somebody else

A little skinnier, perhaps
Less pudgy fat and ugly rolls
Tummy that doesn't bulge
Thigh without stretchmarks

A little smoother, perhaps
Manicured hand and pedicured feet
Skin soft like silk and all aglow
Smell that rivals a thousand roses

A little prettier, perhaps
Perfect complexion and flawless skin
Makeup as beautiful as painting
Smile that launched a thousand ships

But why do I need to change?
Isn't my laughter contagious?
Don't I bring the summer with me?
Am I not making people happy?

Why wouldn't it be enough,
I thought defiantly
Enough that I care, Enough that I love
Enough that I am what I am

[But that's not why you don't change,
Said a gentle voice in me
You don't change not because of love
You don't change because of fear]

[A skin care or workout routine is nothing
Not to a strong mind like yours
An all-in body treatment is affordable
You are smart enough to find a way]

[But rejection is a different matter
When you have done so much
Yet the perfect you still got rejected
That is a heavier burden to bear]

[So why change? Why go extra?
At least you have excuse if rejected
"It's my physique, it's how I look"
Instead of admitting it is you, all along]

[Chin up, girl, because you are perfect
Bees attracted to different flowers
That doesn't mean any of the flowers
are less beautiful or imperfect]

[Change if you must, if you want
But do it for yourself and your growth
Do it for the sake of achievement
But not for chasing "Happily ever after"]

As usual my conscience is right
To the right person I'm alright
But what am I to me?
Have I really accept myself?

If I want to change myself I could
I just need to stop being scared
It is ok if people rejected me
It is not for them anyway, but for me

That "somebody else" will still be me
Different look or style or attitude
Yet the same person inside
Merely experimenting with life

Now wouldn't that be fun and exciting?

Thursday, March 8, 2018

Making Dreams Reality

It's not even 10 am, but I was standing in the office kitchen munching on two mini chocolate bars, a couple handful of popped corn snack, some tortilla chips, and a cup of celery-potato soup.

The reason? I just got paid. My book royalty from Indonesia kicks in a few days ago, and I found out about it yesterday. In my true "first-things-first" style I did my day as usual, wrote an article to thank my readers, and seemingly cool about it.

This morning realization kicks in. People in Indonesia actually bought my book. They could have bought a meal for two, or internet/data quota for their social life. They could have bought two movie tickets or a cup of very, very fancy coffee. Nope. They choose to buy my book.

It's not even an easy book to read. It was a self-improvement book that talks about getting yourself together after you got cheated on. It was a book that none of you wish to read. It's a good book, just a difficult topic.

But it happened. So far I have 1200+ followers on Instagram. 1,800+ followers on my personal Facebook account. 1000+ followers on the Facebook page for my blog. Over 3 million hit on my blog. And some 300 people bought my book.

Oh yes, and around this time last year when my face was pretty much plastered all over the internet as the mascot/face of scorned wife cheated by the husband. My viral article last year opened the floodgate and established that cheating is never right.

How big is this? Humongous. I am not a beautiful socialite. I am not globe-trotting nor telling stories of exotic and faraway places. I don't write dreams or pretty words; I write reality, which is always difficult to swallow. Yet here I am.

So there is room in this world after all, for quirky thoughts and rambling mind, for calls of hope and shared emotions. There is room for trust and encouragements, for kind words and unfaltering faith. For human to be human.

And if the fact that my writing is well accepted by other people is already groundbreaking, imagine how I feel receiving messages, even long after that viral article came out, on how I inspired them or how they too thrive to make the best of life.

Me. Seriously. Me. The problematic, nap-loving, IDGAF me. Are they mad?! Is it a wonder that I binge-eat at the pantry before 10 am? I feel like a dog that finally catches its tail and doesn't know what to do with life anymore.

Yet of course I know what to do. I am going to keep on writing. The goal from the start was always to connect people, to make my readers say, "My feeling exactly!" or "I did not know that, but now I know". And if I can reach just one person with my writing, it'll all be worth it.

Because the world is so big and frightening. Yet it is less so when you don't feel so alone, when you realize there are other people who shared your thoughts and even your fear. And it is always great to learn to love other people.

I texted my best friend this morning, "I did good, right?" He texted back: "Yes, you done good." I blushed hard and grinned happily. I guess, yeah. I did good.

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